11/1

Grateful for my aunt who cares for me deeply, fights for me, loves me well, and is probably the one my mom would want as her substitute after she passed. Thank you Abba.

Rosa Ramirez

What's on my mind? The Ugly-Beautiful

The orange and grey sunset across the bay,
unnatural and polluted, yet lights up the autumn
sky with brazen glory and presence, purposeful.

The concrete sidewalks sprinkled with urine, needles,
trash, and banana peels. The home of those looking
for hope; the way of life that tangles and oppress.
Then, the eyes. The blue lined eyes of the old
Spanish woman, pushing her cart, pushing towards Jesus,
the joy of her day.
Nothing to own, nothing to give.

"But, I am happy."
The truth in her words that only resonate in me
at my best.

The corner of Wall and Willow.
"My residence!" She says, "Come see my residence!"
I walk with fake confidence, worried she'll invite me in,
worried she'll be mad I can't stay, worried where I'll sit.

Three more steps, cross the street.
Chinese gift shop on the corner,
"They will let me know when you visit."

There it is.
Two royal blue tarps covering three grocery carts.
Filled with crates, plastic bottles, clothes, and knick knacks.
With a smile as wide as the ocean, missing teeth,
"Here! Here is my residence!"

I've been invited into the residence, a home she created by hand.
Her hands are grateful for every bottle. Her hands recognize
"I have nothing, but I am happy."

The heartbeat of my life is to worship in Your light.

This song. This. Can't get enough.

Your glory is so beautiful.

Can you experience full joy?

"If authentic, saving belief is the act of trusting, then to choose stress is an act of disbelief....atheism. Anything less than gratitude and trust is practical atheism."

"To lack faith perhaps isn't as much as intellectual disbelief in the existence of God
as fear and distrust that there is a good God."

"I know I can't experience deep joy in God until I deep trust in God; trusting God is my most urgent need."
-1000 Gifts


What is it that is in my way of fully believing, fully trusting, that God is good? I read truth and know He is good. I see it around me all the time-His goodness pouring out in mercies each day. But what does that feeling of complete contentment feel like? Does it exist? Can we experience full joy in this inaugurated Kingdom, or does that only come when Jesus returns? How do I practice deep trust?

Sometimes I hate how little my mind is in comparison to God, and that I can't wrap my brain around Him.

Answered prayers.

"Mature in faith, build character.

2 Tim 2:22-Flee from youthful passions and

pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace."

Late last year I started reading a book, thanks to the suggestion of amazing roommates, called A Praying Life. It dramatically changed the way I looked at prayer in regards to perseverance, hope, and honesty in prayer. After a good paradigm shift of what I believed prayer to be, it gives practical ways to pray for those in your life, neighborhood, yourself, etc. One way it suggests is separate 3x5 index cards for people/themes. I made a pile of cards in December and started praying through them on a somewhat regular basis.

The verse at the beginning was exactly what I wrote on one of the cards that was for the dude friends in my life, and that verse for one boy in particular. This boy was one that I have seen grow dramatically in the last few years. I got to see him go through high school and now into college as a follower of Christ. Being away in Oakland didn't allow me to have as much time with him as I would have liked. To be honest I didn't even know what to write as a prayer request for him when I did the cards.

As life got hectic in transitioning, I slowly stopped the routine of praying through these cards.

Fast forward several months of me being back in LA to last weekend. I took this boy to church with me. We were driving home after a great sermon on Jesus calling ordinary, average men to be his disciples and my friend started speaking so passionately about his heart for the lukewarm in the church. He was quoting scripture humbly (a big improvement from years before) and speaking with compassion. I think at one point he asked me for advice and I had no clue to respond because I was so impressed and shocked about how different this conversation was compared to, perhaps, a year ago.

Later that night I was thinking about how I had written him down on my card and went to look up what I had written: "Mature in faith, build character. 2 Tim 2:22 Flee from youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace."

Needless to say I felt a mixture of assurance and conviction and grace. Assurance that my prayers were being answered and worked out, conviction because I've stopped praying so diligently for him and others, and grace that despite my lack of consistency, God is always constant and chooses to use my selfish prayers and turn them into His glory.

The cross is rough and it is deadly.

The cross is rough, and it is deadly, but it is effective. It does not keep its victim hanging there forever. There comes a moment when its work is finished and the suffering victim dies. After that is resurrection glory and power, and the pain is forgotten for joy that the veil is taken away and we have entered in actual spiritual experience of the Presence of the living God.

AW Tozer, The Pursuit of God

He must do everything.

Let us beware of tinkering with our inner life in hope of ourselves to rend the veil. God must do everything for us. Our part is to yield and trust. We must confess, forsake, repudiate the self-life, and then reckon it crucified. But we must be careful to distinguish lazy "acceptance" from the real work of God. We must insist upon the work being done.



AW Tozer, The Pursuit of God