I want this prayer answered.

"O Lord, You alone give abundant life. Deliver me from myself. Help me to see how destructive pride is, and how easily I revert to living under the law. Make me aware of how needful, dependent, and imperfect I am. May I continually be in awe of the abounding grace I receive from You. Enable me, Lord, to share Your grace with others. Thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for Your grace that perfects, confirms, strengthens, and establishes me. May I become a woman of grace who is known for her giving spirit and for her love for You. May I become a gracious woman who attains honor for Your kingdom. I love You, Lord. Amen."

Happy Thanksgiving!

I spent most of the day entertaining this girl. :)

I am thankful for....messiness.

My girl that I've written about before...LOVE HER.

As well as this little cutie who reminds me so much of my cousin Gina...but Mexican.

(my funny faces are getting better!!!!)

(Okay she is such a precious head)

After a long day with a high school group from that cares more about AP classes than these girls....I appreciate how much they let me love on them.

So these pics came from today and let's just say I am (and look) exhausted. My mind has been everywhere, my heart has been restless, and my body barely gets sleep. All internal challenges that, for the most part, a good hair day and mascara can cover up. BUT today I decided I wasn't concerned if I looked a little tired or like my mind was elsewhere. I've been reading "A Praying Life" by Paul Miller and one thing he emphasized was come messy.

Instead of aiming to come to God to experience him and feel 'peace'....what if we came to him just to get to know him? What if we came messy. Came disoriented, weary, overwhelmed, chaotic? In Matthew 11:28 Jesus says "Come all who are weary..." so the criteria for coming to Christ in prayer might just be that, weariness. He continues this idea of not trying to come and get our prayers 'right,' but to take off that spiritual mask, to come to God like a best friend and just say "God. Dude. I am everywhere right now, let me tell you about it."

"In bringing your real self to Jesus, you give him the opportunity to work on the real you, and you will slowly change." P.33

I read this and wanted to practice it....so today I came to God in really chaotic ways. Talked to him about my driver who wasn't that friendly. Talked to him about my lack of energy and need for encouragement. Talked to him about seeing my girls pictured above. Talked to him about my heart being hard towards my group. Talked to him about my life in the bay and what that looks like. Talked to him about helping me be careful with my heart. Even talked to him about helping me have time in the morning to finally shower. I took off that mask and took off this idea that God doesn't really know what's on my heart and instead I told him what he already knows.

I want this to become habit for me and not just with God but with people too.

I'm too messy to pretend like I have it all together.

GIRLS

Was reminded of this post: MY SOUL MATES because I have so much on my mind and I just want to be surrounded by these amazing women to make my cares go awayyyy.

Prayers are appreciated friends. I have BIG decisions to make.

I don't have any pictures of all three of us together. How lame is that!? And I probably won't until my wedding. SO LAME.

Dependence.

"To teach grace is to teach a full and complete dependence upon God to provide according to His infinite love all that is needed by the one who places his trust in Him. The life of such a one must be a God-directed life. And a God-directed life is not one of carelessness and license. There is no indifference to sin in such a life. Only under grace can such a life be lived. But the one who imposes the law upon a believer, whether himself or another, by that very act denies the need of dependence upon God and thereby commits sin."

J. F. Strombeck

So the other day, a middle-aged black man told me...

"My my my you're the prettiest girl I've seen all day."

Things that went through my head:

1. That was the first compliment I've gotten by a stranger in Oakland that wasn't followed by weird-wannabe-seductive look, asking for my number, highly inappropriate sexual comment, or request for money.

2. It's 2pm....so it's not like I was the first girl he saw all day. Sweet!

3. Today I appreciate Oakland.

For the most part, I have a love/hate relationship with Oakland. I hate getting checked out or whistled at (sometimes barked at, true story). I'm far from a model, so I don't understand what about me makes someone think its necessary to bark at me in approval (at 9 in the morning nonetheless). I'm not used to people saying what they think about how I look. I think it might be a cultural thing, who knows.

BUT I thought this was so sincere and sweet and redeemed all of those other situations that made me uncomfortable.

And what girl wouldn't like to be called pretty?

HUMILITY :: PHIL. 2:3-5

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus."

I like the NLT version too...

"Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don't look out for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus has."