Rosa Ramirez

What's on my mind? The Ugly-Beautiful

The orange and grey sunset across the bay,
unnatural and polluted, yet lights up the autumn
sky with brazen glory and presence, purposeful.

The concrete sidewalks sprinkled with urine, needles,
trash, and banana peels. The home of those looking
for hope; the way of life that tangles and oppress.
Then, the eyes. The blue lined eyes of the old
Spanish woman, pushing her cart, pushing towards Jesus,
the joy of her day.
Nothing to own, nothing to give.

"But, I am happy."
The truth in her words that only resonate in me
at my best.

The corner of Wall and Willow.
"My residence!" She says, "Come see my residence!"
I walk with fake confidence, worried she'll invite me in,
worried she'll be mad I can't stay, worried where I'll sit.

Three more steps, cross the street.
Chinese gift shop on the corner,
"They will let me know when you visit."

There it is.
Two royal blue tarps covering three grocery carts.
Filled with crates, plastic bottles, clothes, and knick knacks.
With a smile as wide as the ocean, missing teeth,
"Here! Here is my residence!"

I've been invited into the residence, a home she created by hand.
Her hands are grateful for every bottle. Her hands recognize
"I have nothing, but I am happy."

The heartbeat of my life is to worship in Your light.

This song. This. Can't get enough.

Your glory is so beautiful.

Can you experience full joy?

"If authentic, saving belief is the act of trusting, then to choose stress is an act of disbelief....atheism. Anything less than gratitude and trust is practical atheism."

"To lack faith perhaps isn't as much as intellectual disbelief in the existence of God
as fear and distrust that there is a good God."

"I know I can't experience deep joy in God until I deep trust in God; trusting God is my most urgent need."
-1000 Gifts


What is it that is in my way of fully believing, fully trusting, that God is good? I read truth and know He is good. I see it around me all the time-His goodness pouring out in mercies each day. But what does that feeling of complete contentment feel like? Does it exist? Can we experience full joy in this inaugurated Kingdom, or does that only come when Jesus returns? How do I practice deep trust?

Sometimes I hate how little my mind is in comparison to God, and that I can't wrap my brain around Him.